my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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