He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
