Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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