I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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