a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
