i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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