he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
