Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
