Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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