mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
