She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
