LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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