we have pet lesbian snakes
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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