Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
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Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
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