I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
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I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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