so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
How naked do you want me to be?
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
