I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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