I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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