The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
