I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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