Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
