I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Randomize
