chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Randomize
