every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
