I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
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Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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