Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
