Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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