I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
