I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Will you blow on my dice?
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Randomize
