She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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