I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
