I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I don't think brook has ever known best
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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