imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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