Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
