You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
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