wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
