There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
