Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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