you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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