I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
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