They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
