I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
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You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
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Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize