I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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