I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
