A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
