i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
