I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
