You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
