you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
