I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
