i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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