I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
