i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
