Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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