my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
