Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
We were destined to go to rehab together
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
