ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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