Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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