i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
