My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
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so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
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Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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