Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
