things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
