i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
