she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
They have beer where we have blood.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
