Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
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