He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I wear drunk well.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
