So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
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