Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
