wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
He better not be in your backpack
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
