Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
