Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
