Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
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