hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
