im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
