You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
