i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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