ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
