i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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