You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
